Care to go beyond... Or are you making a Sacrifice?

Still from video

Just Released today, the Ministry of Health's TVC for Nursing Careers.

Earlier this year I went for an audition and landed the role of "guy in pain".
It's another 2 seconds more or less of screen time. Keep reading to see clip...

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Basically it is another dying scene of me (Time code: 0.17-0.20), I don't get my face seen which isn't too bad, after all this is about the nurses, but I was in a motorcycle accident in case you wanted back story (I'll make note of this as a sign). Call time was the earliest godly hour of 3am, when least action is expected at the Hospital and I did give a rocking painful performance from the ambulance to the halls and the operating table. Unfortunately that would definitely scare people and destroy the purpose of this sweet video so that agonizing footage will never see the light of day :(
On a lighter note, Nurses do an amazing job, an admirable profession that this video does capture in gloss and glam. Of course they get paid to for their burdens and sacrifice. 

My audition just had me going through agonizing faces and I must have pulled it off really well (bringing out some internalised pain that we will discuss next). Even the client, nurses and doctors (the ones in my scenes were real) personally commended the intensity that I gave them on the operating table. I told them prepare for a show.

Performance Rating : 9/10
not much short comings, but I can always GIVE more in a performance.

On that note I need to write about giving and sacrifice, how they are actually different things and how I have failed to differentiate them in life for a long time.
I just met up with a close friend who knows me better than anyone and I told him how I have been down with particularly the pressure of wrapping things up on Singapore and generally moving on. He picked up another important aspect of why I am upset... it is because I don't give to myself. It's true, I hardly ever spoil myself, give myself time to relax and absorb something special, always giving to others, giving to the world, and that's where it is sacrifice.

The hand of Kindness must be broken, at least one.

Now I'm not talking about giving some spare change or helping an old woman carry her groceries or offering the seat on public transport, that should be done in general (unless you have some sort of excuse like I'm about to pass out from tiredness from not giving myself enough sleep).
I'm talking about the everyday people, friends and family you see, meet and work with. I'm pretty Sh*t at deciding who I should associate myself with and just give everyone the benefit of the doubt, you are all my friends, and I belong to the world. That is the kind of thinking that has me giving to the point of sacrifice, sacrificing time and energy among other things to people who do not deserve it which is generally everyone because I don't have much of it left to give to myself. 

"Treat others how you want to be treated yourself", that is the principle I have always believed in to the letter but this way of thinking does not take into account that there is a difference in giving and sacrificing, should you really treat everyone how you want to be treated?.. The answer is NO, because next to no one follows this principle. The only person you can Truly rely on is You. 

Your Job is you, "treat Yourself how you want others want to treat you", that is what I just learned, my friend has been reading "the Secret" I always thought it was just a book for feminist wannabes and entrepreneurs, but hey we all should have a bit of those in us. Only when you have content yourself should you really be giving. I need to find a balance, No amount of receiving can ever amount to the magnitude of what you can give and people are more likely to take more rather than give, that has never mattered to me previously but with all the giving to anyone but myself it can only be described as sacrifice, another word for expendable and disposable. 

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So the answer is to treat yourself better, and the energies will come back, people will sense that you are worth something, that is the ego that I have always been afraid of rubbing in at least until I have honestly found it. But with all the little sacrifices I make every day especially in the field of acting and production expecting little to nothing back adds up and I do honestly expect something back from the world. The world is not one entity, and it does not add it up on it's end, Karma is not to be relied upon, you are the first and possibly only person liable to treat yourself well.

Sacrifice mistaken as Kindness is Crippling.

When I left Sydney, traveled around Asia and came to Singapore, I did it for myself, with that I was giving to myself.
Suddenly when I was in Singapore everything was falling into my lap, I had work, new friends, hopes, romance new experiences and independence. I got so scared I went back to Sydney, landed my second best job of photo developer, saved up and came back.

After a year of being here I noticed that I was selling myself short and spreading myself thin, just like how it was when I started the field in Sydney. I was making sacrifices and my traits of giving were becoming detrimental to me internally because I was not reaping anything from anyone. As an entertainer I am prepared to entertain everyone, but no one can be bothered to entertain me. 
Obviously I can't expect anyone to do that if I won't do it myself.

  "No Act of Kindness no matter how small, is ever wasted" 
(Aesop, Some fable (620 BC - 560 BC)) 
An outdated quote, so I'll add: 

 *But every single act of 
                   Sacrifice comes at a cost*

I have Truly Forgotten the feeling of spoiling myself and giving to me. Time to pack the bags and give to myself.

Note* No Singapore Kindness movement Lion (Singa) has been harmed by me
These images were sent to me by 2 different friends one after the other, I take it as a sign. 

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